Children are ungrateful, cruel, inconsiderate too. Repairing a relationship is possible, but it takes time and will require patience. The goal IS to make their CHILDREN feel "unworthy" and with 'parenting' like I received that's mostly true. Please seek the services of a local therapist who can help you see the truth behind your mother's attitude and guide you in a direction best suited for you. Because I was willing, and actively practice, such with my own adult children. I’m finally at peace, I have quiet, and I’m living my best life away from my abusers. Neither daddy nor step dad gave me away. First I want to say that abuse from our past does affect our present-day relationships, so she's not wrong. I also think John is struggling, trying to choose between denial and the red pill. If people don't like it, it's their problem, not yours. Mine didn't. And my reply was, "And yet you DID." It's a surprisingly effective way of hiding past and present abuse, because people don't tend to question it (what is the specific diagnosis? Besides that.. Talking about her marital issues with my father(he's also toxic, especially towards women) to me and expecting me to be her therapist. When I realized the truth, I got myself into therapy and began the hard work of changing my attitude and behaviors. How stupid of them! “... we had no choice but become stronger to restore our damaged dignity, and self respect.”, “Through their cruelty...we had no choice but take our power back.”, “ With our newly empowered self, we now feel we are worthwhile, we have value, we have dreams, we have a life to live with a bright future ahead.”. I was treated like a parent (my role) abandoning and neglecting my young child (my mother). Not a single one of us is happy about it. The older generation must learn the difference between parenting and grandparenting. I am happy NOW, but I do still feel 'owed'. Please stop being so angry at your child and seek out the services of a family therapist in your area. BECAUSE ESTRANGEMENT IS ABOUT POWER. I ended uo feeling like a beggar ,begging for breadcrumbs of love and respectful treatment .the problem with this type of parents is that they refuse to acknowledge your pain or discomfort unless they have something to lose. Hi kim.i live in zambia and am a grown man.27.i have very unhealthy relationship with my parents.my father is callous and my mother has no respect for me,she is intransigent, self-righteous.gaslights me and engages in double binding, You said it very well.The reasons are given several times before the adult child goes no contact.In my case,I had told pointed out every single thing that caused me pain and they just ignored it. My mother is completely and extremely abusive and dangerous. QUESTION: Should I avoid going to this upcoming holiday event? And I finally broke. They had two sons together, one who is developmentally disabled. Those words from an estranged parent resonated with me. He says they were not there when he was ill. Shall I give up. Likewise, there are parents out there that are victims of unjustified estrangement, just as there are parents that have been cut-off from their adult children for truly justifiable, objectively based grounds. I have been looking back and tell my husband about things that happened. Interesting article and perspective. Question: I am a mother of a child who doesn't speak to me, but does speak to his father. Both may want to do well at the "job" but can a 5 year old drive the sick dog to a vet even if they know the dog needs a doctor? As a result, you may not even know who you are as an adult. The refusal to apologize is a red flag for narcissistic personality disorder: It allows someone to justify their hurtful actions and words and blurs reality. They love the attention we give; using us to maintain a particular image; taking their rage out on us to make themselves feel better...but they don't love us. And again. And maybe his shoes are just comfortable. Given these wishes, if my adult child feels, in his or her judgment or opinion, that his or her life would be better served without me in it, then, as painful as it is to accept, in the bigger picture of my own life and my own wishes for my children' happiness and success, this is something I must accept. I look back and think "well.... does everyone do that?" I was brutally honest about myself, my childhood, my parenting style, etc. As an adult, your child does not have to stay in contact with you. He said they went abroad to live when he was ill with depression. Others see an innocent disabled woman who could do no wrong, but she took thousands in debt out in my name, she sold my car without permission, she speaks terribly of me to others. Please continue to explore what Kim has said and feel free to ask questions. Focus on you and your little one only. I have issues with my parents (why im here) and I remember asking google years ago, googling my thoughts and getting pages like wikipedia up basically telling me i was 'emotionally and physically abused' as a child, building and assuring me of a false belief, it really is the devil i swear, it's a load of BS, but just because of the very fact I read that and many articles is that this thought, belief or however one would describe it is now got a hold on me when all I need to do is drop it, none if it is true, but because I believed it then I go ahead and secure it by behaving or reacting in a certain way to compliment that which then becomes a self fulfilling prophecy - back to sqaure one. Those are but a small sampling of the things she said because I don't have the time nor the inclination to write them all out here. Question: My son has alienated himself because his girlfriend hacked his emails and read conversations where I and another person have been speaking of her. Things got so bad that I started having to minimize contact over the Christmas period, then from end of Oct until after New Year (abuse escalation starting a couple of months before Christmas). After raising children from birth to adulthood, most parents look forward to having a long-lasting relationship with their adult children. You have to take care of Me." However, breaking a 30-year friendship for a romantic relationship is a cause for concern whether it be the parent or adult child.
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